interest rate haiku

In a whisk of greed
whiter than the price of rice:
a scrambled nest egg.

black-and-blue monday

Ding-dong the opening bell
sends numbers skidding
across your screen
in a left-to-right slide.
Above them flap gums—
scorecard the falling sky,
never mind the why.
Sing-song voices ring
not so true, never so green
even more blue
than in between
the blank spots.

hell is for freezing

Another Cold War
hotter than the last?
Why not, I ask:
They are so much
cozier than Holy Ones.

Let's thank our lucky stars:
Hockey Mom knows
we outskated the
Russkies once
and we can do it again.
We still believe in
Miracles.

Captain Credit Crunch

Fannie and Freddie
sitting in a tree
F-A-I-L-I-N-G...
First comes the loan
then comes arrearage
then comes Uncle Sam
with a baby mortgage.

The moral of the story
is a simple, not compound:
Money that's lost
will soon be found.
Little borrowers
musn't fuss and pout:
Overload your boat and
we'll bail you out.

how to build a laser gun

O would-be terrorist,
is it a big weapon you seek?

Look inside your mind
and try to think
if it'll help.

A laser shoots light--
wave or particle I still don't know,
what Hawking's black hole will show.



(note to instapoet fans: this poem is an ode to all the thousands of people who have visited www.craigwinneker.com looking for answers on how to build a laser gun. Actually, it's a shameless attempt to attract some of those hits over to this site. For the whole story, go here.

the best political team on television*

It's an old top story
and one that is boring:
the anchorman's
glory whole.

How about you
say it
and not
spray it.

We want the news
and not the
whether.




*certain limitations may apply

down set haiku

Cold war in the East--
a Jet unleashed. Overwhelmed:
a cheese head's lament

inspirations

Make mine a dash of Ogden Nash

(or ee cummings and Eminem
chillin with both Dylans and
Calvin Trillin).

the experience thing

Enough, enough with all
the who why what where how.
Well, now we know it's plain to see:
Ready to be VP?
Or a heartbeat from commander-in-chee?
Hell, she's at least as on the ball
as the guy who has the job now.

très sexy politique chou chou

A la une! A la une
il n'y a que la lune
et le fait que
Madame le President
soit Charlotte la Brune.

C'est mieux comme ça
je croix.

idiot breeze

It’s still a bit breezy there
but we can breathe a Big Easy now
that the storm has passed.
All the air has been sucked
out of the issue at last.
A ways up the river it’s time for the
conventional wind once again to blow.

the born conspiracy

Now we know, and by no means maybe:
that nice lady's daughter is having a baby.
Who are you to say if she ought to?
We bloggers have no choice but to
be ashamed of our lie-spreading ways
when the truth is born not in months
but in half-days.

scandal in utero

what was she really showing?
her belly, not seemingly growing,
contained the seed of scandal
teeming with a political life all its own.

no doubt soon we'll know
one way or the other:
is the governor really
her daughter's grandmother?

Patriotic Haiku #1

a wind-flapping flag,
colors and symbols ablaze—
too much history.

Russia vs. Georgia

Do current events upset you?
You know: the invasion of South Ossetia?
What is now the incursion into Georgia
Of many a crew-cut Russian soldier?
Fear not, world citizen:
Events in far-off mountains won’t
disrupt your summer—
as long as you consider
civilian casualties not too big a bummer.

An Anthem for the Beijing Olympics

So the games begin—
let those without stones
cast the first sin.
This much we know:
China’s quite good
at putting on a show,
so hold the whining about
Human Rights Pollution
Doping Trade
and The Like.
I for one am
quite willing to swap
my car for a bike.

In Praise of the F.B.I.

Hooray for the Feds!
They’ve come a long way from
the hunting of Reds.
Now they always get their man—
alive or, better still, dead.

The World’s Most Important Babies

If the world’s two Most Beautiful People
have two babies, well then shouldn’t
they be the World’s Most Beautiful Babies,
can’t we all agree?

After all, Brad’s your dad, maman’s très Jolie!
Life—after your delivery
by paparazzean section—
will be free of worry.

Mazel’tov.

Decision 2008

There must be a word that rhymes with Obama--
I somehow just know there is.
Perhaps the Times or Fox News will find one,
it shouldn't take a media whiz.

thankgod

Religious fervor
strikes again.
If I were a man of God
I'd ask forgiveness
for forgetting to say
amen.