Instapoet

lisbon haiku

2010-02-23T08:39:00.002+01:00

A capital E
in desperate search for the
non-existent U

tiger wept

2010-02-19T10:23:00.004+01:00

Drop everything.

A man who plays a game
and wears a logo
for a living is going to tell us
his troubles.
"He will be putting from the rough,"
some commentator will surely note,
"I don't think he'll get a gimme."
There will be tears of sincerity
and promises made. Or even kept.
Tiger wept.
Well then who knows where he slept?
I care as much about that
as I do
the swoosh
on
his
hat.

lose-win proposition

2009-11-04T10:51:00.002+01:00

vict'ry in defeat--
a hole new direction in
the opposite of spin

roman holiday

2009-09-30T11:03:00.003+02:00

It was at Kitzbuhel, not Gstaad
where I saw Polanski--up close--
in a skislope cafeteria line, red snowsuit size small,
sliding slowly along the rails
a tray of wiener schnitzel mit pommes und ketchup
Like Everybody Else.

He had his two young children with him.
Like Everybody Else.

I wanted to say, "Hey, nice work on 'Chinatown'"
but didn't. As usual, faced with a celebrity icon, I fell silent.

Now I remember and think:
Do we forgive a man a heinous crime
because of his art, or because
his life has been filled with tragedy
or because he only did what everybody else
was doing in Jack and Anjelica's Casa California
or because an asshole judge lied to him
or because the French crypto-intelligentsia
says it must be so?

Maybe. But probably not.

gauche caviar

2009-09-29T11:36:00.003+02:00

"Is Socialism dead?" my morning headline so screams.
Europe's Left can't get anything right, it seems.
Just when Capitalism is raw red meat for Michael Moore
the only dark specter haunting us is a bore.
Anyway what about "dangerous European Socialism" does America fear:
six weeks vacation, longer life, fitter health, better beer?

poet fuel

2009-09-28T12:36:00.000+02:00

awake yet drowsy
an indispensable need:
morning espresso

east side glory

2009-09-24T12:07:00.002+02:00

Feelgood proliferation?
Crave some adoration,
a standing ovation
for that rambling oration?
Attention all planets
of the solar federation:
For a general assembly of
Multinational Masturbation,
take your problem to the
Yoo-nighted Nay-aytion.

rhymes with banker

2009-09-18T11:57:00.002+02:00

bonus under threat,
white, hot under the collar
in sweat-stained chalk stripe

missile envy

2009-09-17T12:20:00.002+02:00

Oh no! An empty silo
into which will echo
unheard wishes for
Europe's protection?

Say it ain't so, O.
Warsaw and Prague
need to know
Nato's got their back.

Don't forget Moscow
plays its hardball cold;
who'll melt the rain when
red snow starts to fall?

play it again

2009-09-16T13:02:00.002+02:00

Recession is over, the market is back--
time to get back the Big Mac attack.

Forget whose default, no one's to blame,
hike up your graph is the name of the game.

Who'll pay the bills you may well ax
when no one is willing to pay more tax?

We'll cut waste and fraud, but don't worry hang loose,
we won't take away your precious abuse.

power to ignore

2009-09-15T16:35:00.002+02:00

Fasci-nation.
It feeds--and feeds on--
the actions of the asinine.

Resist the temptation--
the need to know more--
and ignore the philistine.

Summon up the will to make
the fake media moment
Simply. Go. Away.

summit up

2009-07-07T11:05:00.000+02:00

@twitter won’t fly in Russia,
land of vacuum tubes and vodka.
So steam your press pool
accordingly.
A headline sets in lead:
Talking Titans in Podium Flash
Compare Diminishing Warheads
Total throw-weight crash.

match point

2009-07-06T09:57:00.002+02:00

White satin track suit
garlanded gold—
no sweat
beading his head—
our hero cocks
a cool eyebrow
at the loser (confused, staring
into the grass, into
the chalky distance),
who only just a minute ago
was giving not quite
as good as he got.

weekend at bernie's

2009-07-02T09:26:00.000+02:00

Padded prison cell,
papered in Ponzi mâché.
Busy bottom bunk.

crown of gold, cross of platinum

2009-07-01T11:21:00.001+02:00

“It is finished,”
He must have said
—the fool who felt himself
a boy and crowned himself
King—
expiring alone
in the company of
His Personal Physician.
But all is not lost,
o mourning masses.
The coke-High Priests light candles,
give thanks that He died
—ascending the charts—
so that you may buy
a piece of history and
they may dwell forever
and ever
among the canyons.

stimulus

2008-11-25T11:56:00.002+01:00

pump prime the bailout
with massive infusions
don't save a dollar when
spending two will do.

get people working
avoiding confusion
take action quick and
see this thing through.

change you can bank on
solving solutions
grab bull by the horns and
talk yourself blue.

monet, monet, monet

2008-11-19T11:02:00.003+01:00

La France s'échappe
la récession économique—
il paraît.
Ç'est chic, non?
La révolution vit toujours,
mais je demande pour
combien de temps?
Comme jamais, on ne sait.

Heart of Africa

2008-11-18T10:19:00.003+01:00

Keep taking from the Congo:
first rubber for your bike, now tin for your Xbox.
Do you, like, care?
Or even know where it is?
Grab the controller and play,
if you still have hands.
Sure, you say, it was the Belgians and then Mobutu.
Now it's the Tutsis and probably you too.

marine biology

2008-11-17T13:54:00.003+01:00

Scientists say:
There aren't enough fish in the see.
Humans consume, dragging
nets, sifting dust.
Our dreams are drifting,
sinking fast.
They can still float to the surface,
you're thinking--
but don't hold your breath.

election day haiku

2008-11-04T11:31:00.002+01:00

reason's victory--
all over but the counting--
one way to see it.

Lessons for America

2008-11-03T11:12:00.002+01:00

Well people what
have we learned?
It's not how much
you earn
or how much fuel
you burn
or what kind
of monster you'll
turn into once people start
Asking Questions.

It's got nothing to do
with your middle name
or from what country you
came or whom did you screw
over 27 years ago
when no one dared think
or even cared.

Don't blink.
There's something big here.
How big? iPhone big. Batman big.
Peggy Noonan big. A thousand points of
Big Idea
scattered around like loose Change.
Did anything sink in at all?
Did it get through your skull's
thick wall?
Or do you still fear Knowledge? Or even an Idea?

show me something

all thumbs

2008-10-28T10:28:00.001+01:00

In a world of wtf
i have to lol.
imho there is no
emoticon
for how i feel.

Ode to Plumber Joe

2008-10-16T11:24:00.002+02:00

Hey Joe,
where ya goin with that
wrench in your hand?
The nation beats a path
to your white-panel van.
You're a star, bro:
Your opinion's the key--
but not to me.
I've got my own problems, Joe--
only one of 'em is a leaky faucet (now there's something you can help me with).
Otherwise I care not how much you're taxed,
or what you think about banks, since you've asked.
Hey, Joe:
You're in the toilet trade--you've got it made.
You show up with a bill before the work's even played
and you shake your head and say,
"Oh this is gonna take more than a day..."
Feeling a pinch? Your income's a lead-pipe cinch.
You'll be alright, Joe.
It's the rest of us I worry about.

October Surprise

2008-10-15T11:48:00.001+02:00

Open your eyes;
There will be no October surprise.
The real bombshell
is in your mind--
you need to go ahead and
explode it.
Come November
all will not be
revealed, nor healed, nor
Turned Upside Down
so that you no longer know
what’s real.
Life will go on as before:
entirely as you make it.

Int’l orgs.

2008-10-14T11:43:00.000+02:00

Gee, seven
Eeeeeeuwhh
Oy seedy.
Hope? Heck.
You end.

day trade-off

2008-10-13T10:31:00.001+02:00

The investor’s new lament:
“’Bye, low,” he’ll sigh.
The old rules
no longer apply.

hard times haiku

2008-10-09T11:07:00.000+02:00

Simplicity soon:
the taste of a tin of beans
appreciated

daydrizzle believer

2008-10-06T14:55:00.001+02:00

The grim gray rain
has its autumn upside:
You stop and think why
are you safe and dry--
if you so happen to be.

Sunshine’s overrated--
as a destination,
a mood-enhancer--
that you forget the wet
comfort of insulation.

Keep inside, then,
and let your day
dreams warm you.

Gaccia Journalism

2008-10-01T15:18:00.000+02:00

Gotcha!
Got pizza?
Gutta percha?
Ya gotta luv it.
We’re
all
ill.

talk is cheap

2008-09-30T09:52:00.000+02:00

Let’s slap a ban
on that word
“bipartisan”—
it’s limp-wristed code for
“you get screwed.”

And as we’re in
the forbidding mood
eighty-six the tired, poor
“wall-street-main-street”
metaphor.

We’re all up the same
damned street don’t you see.
Here’s a deal: I leave policy to you,
You leave poetry to me.

monday morning pundit

2008-09-29T14:16:00.002+02:00

Ol’ Jim Lehrer
he couldn’t be fairer:
He gives each man his say.

Still I wonder
if he didn’t blunder
in setting up the show that way.

A few minutes here
a few minutes there--
so little new light gets shed.

We’d get more use
--more political juice--
from an hour of air squeezed dead.

versus interruptus?

2008-09-26T10:45:00.003+02:00

No, the flow
of thought
will not
cease--

(a notion
stands
still
for
no
one)

for we need words
without end
in the face
of the absurd:

This is democracy
not goddam pretend
and your instant poet
shall ne'er suspend...

here to there

2008-09-24T11:18:00.003+02:00

The Electric Car:
they said it wouldn't go
far and what's more
would get there slow.....

....ly.
It's tiny and weak
and un-American.
A Communist plot,
to drive something so
small. Or to take a
bus or train
or walk anywhere at all.

Fear not,
bucket-seat-bronco,
no lesson you'll
learn: Humvee heaven
will return
when the price of fuel
is about what you earn.

when uppance comes

2008-09-23T10:48:00.001+02:00

When the world smirks I told you so
where do you go?
Down down down.
The light bulb above your head
how is it screwed?
Up. Up.
The politics of class war
what do you get?
Out.

Babe wept

2008-09-22T10:50:00.003+02:00

Tears on pinstripes
as a colosseum closes.
Buck up Bronx:
a new one will rise
next door, a temple built of
blood, sweat and taxes.

In Boston and Chicago
they cheer--as do I, from over here--
that New York's season is a bust.
It was ever thus:
Good folk everywhere
revel in rare
Yankee despair.

But there's no denying
a bittersweet fall.
We brook no bad will here;
baseball
is
like
dogs:
so full of good cheer,
so inherently sad.

The Greatest Depression

2008-09-19T11:01:00.002+02:00

Fit yourself for a pickle barrel
and learn how to crack nuts with your laptop
bro; those surfing skills won't do you much
good in the New Economy.

It's Road Warrior time, can you dig
the kerosene? Bottled water my ass.
You'll be clawing open cactus
and puking up the juice.

Cushy retiree, a Wal-Mart greeter?
Hah you wish, pal. That's a plum job
we won't like to see again
when the shit comes down.

Learn Mandarin, your nervous joke?
It won't save you, Gweilo--
Even the Chinese don't bother with it anymore;
they're too busy counting the minutes.

the art of investing

2008-09-17T10:33:00.004+02:00

Slice the bull market in half--
there's your golden calf--
and embalm it for show and sell.

Brokers on the ledge?
Put Damien Hirst in charge
of the hedge.

interest rate haiku

2008-09-16T16:26:00.000+02:00

In a whisk of greed
whiter than the price of rice:
a scrambled nest egg.

black-and-blue monday

2008-09-15T15:54:00.002+02:00

Ding-dong the opening bell
sends numbers skidding
across your screen
in a left-to-right slide.
Above them flap gums—
scorecard the falling sky,
never mind the why.
Sing-song voices ring
not so true, never so green
even more blue
than in between
the blank spots.

hell is for freezing

2008-09-12T12:30:00.002+02:00

Another Cold War
hotter than the last?
Why not, I ask:
They are so much
cozier than Holy Ones.

Let's thank our lucky stars:
Hockey Mom knows
we outskated the
Russkies once
and we can do it again.
We still believe in
Miracles.

Captain Credit Crunch

2008-09-11T10:15:00.003+02:00

Fannie and Freddie
sitting in a tree
F-A-I-L-I-N-G...
First comes the loan
then comes arrearage
then comes Uncle Sam
with a baby mortgage.

The moral of the story
is a simple, not compound:
Money that's lost
will soon be found.
Little borrowers
musn't fuss and pout:
Overload your boat and
we'll bail you out.

how to build a laser gun

2008-09-10T10:36:00.004+02:00

O would-be terrorist,
is it a big weapon you seek?

Look inside your mind
and try to think
if it'll help.

A laser shoots light--
wave or particle I still don't know,
what Hawking's black hole will show.

(note to instapoet fans: this poem is an ode to all the thousands of people who have visited www.craigwinneker.com looking for answers on how to build a laser gun. Actually, it's a shameless attempt to attract some of those hits over to this site. For the whole story, go here.

the best political team on television*

2008-09-09T10:26:00.003+02:00

It's an old top story
and one that is boring:
the anchorman's
glory whole.

How about you
say it
and not
spray it.

We want the news
and not the
whether.

*certain limitations may apply

down set haiku

2008-09-08T09:50:00.002+02:00

Cold war in the East--
a Jet unleashed. Overwhelmed:
a cheese head's lament

inspirations

2008-09-05T10:21:00.001+02:00

Make mine a dash of Ogden Nash

(or ee cummings and Eminem
chillin with both Dylans and
Calvin Trillin).

the experience thing

2008-09-04T10:11:00.003+02:00

Enough, enough with all
the who why what where how.
Well, now we know it's plain to see:
Ready to be VP?
Or a heartbeat from commander-in-chee?
Hell, she's at least as on the ball
as the guy who has the job now.

très sexy politique chou chou

2008-09-03T07:54:00.004+02:00

A la une! A la une
il n'y a que la lune
et le fait que
Madame le President
soit Charlotte la Brune.

C'est mieux comme ça
je croix.

idiot breeze

2008-09-02T13:07:00.002+02:00

It’s still a bit breezy there
but we can breathe a Big Easy now
that the storm has passed.
All the air has been sucked
out of the issue at last.
A ways up the river it’s time for the
conventional wind once again to blow.

the born conspiracy

2008-09-01T18:42:00.002+02:00

Now we know, and by no means maybe:
that nice lady's daughter is having a baby.
Who are you to say if she ought to?
We bloggers have no choice but to
be ashamed of our lie-spreading ways
when the truth is born not in months
but in half-days.

scandal in utero

2008-09-01T11:09:00.002+02:00

what was she really showing?
her belly, not seemingly growing,
contained the seed of scandal
teeming with a political life all its own.

no doubt soon we'll know
one way or the other:
is the governor really
her daughter's grandmother?

Patriotic Haiku #1

2008-08-13T08:01:00.001+02:00

a wind-flapping flag,
colors and symbols ablaze—
too much history.

Russia vs. Georgia

2008-08-11T12:29:00.000+02:00

Do current events upset you?
You know: the invasion of South Ossetia?
What is now the incursion into Georgia
Of many a crew-cut Russian soldier?
Fear not, world citizen:
Events in far-off mountains won’t
disrupt your summer—
as long as you consider
civilian casualties not too big a bummer.

An Anthem for the Beijing Olympics

2008-08-08T14:45:00.002+02:00

So the games begin—
let those without stones
cast the first sin.
This much we know:
China’s quite good
at putting on a show,
so hold the whining about
Human Rights Pollution
Doping Trade
and The Like.
I for one am
quite willing to swap
my car for a bike.

In Praise of the F.B.I.

2008-08-07T14:22:00.001+02:00

Hooray for the Feds!
They’ve come a long way from
the hunting of Reds.
Now they always get their man—
alive or, better still, dead.

The World’s Most Important Babies

2008-08-06T14:12:00.001+02:00

If the world’s two Most Beautiful People
have two babies, well then shouldn’t
they be the World’s Most Beautiful Babies,
can’t we all agree?

After all, Brad’s your dad, maman’s très Jolie!
Life—after your delivery
by paparazzean section—
will be free of worry.

Mazel’tov.

Decision 2008

2008-08-05T08:28:00.002+02:00

There must be a word that rhymes with Obama--
I somehow just know there is.
Perhaps the Times or Fox News will find one,
it shouldn't take a media whiz.

thankgod

2008-08-04T10:48:00.006+02:00

Religious fervor
strikes again.
If I were a man of God
I'd ask forgiveness
for forgetting to say
amen.

in transit

2008-07-31T19:06:00.000+02:00

Stuck on neurostar,
a speeding slow train.
Never making connections,
one track switches brain.

City ahead grows
distant on approach.
Red light burns cold,
coach leans low.

From a seat both aisle and window
I squint to count the passing grass.

Ode to the Indictment of Ted Stevens

2008-07-30T10:29:00.002+02:00

Bribing a Senator--
how hard could it be?
One needs but rubber chicken
and weak coffee.

Bundles of cash
and golf bag blowjobs--
these fail to impress him.

It takes subtler favors to
ethically undress him.

reporting live

2008-07-29T10:57:00.003+02:00

The whole world explodes
in every little bomb—
a million tiny shards of why.

The police siren and the webcam
vacuum up a reason
along with the blood and
replace it spewing punditry.

We soon forget to care
about each blast each flood
each unavoidable famine

until the next time paints its
inevitable, temporary
splatter pattern.

"Spare, Change"

2008-07-28T11:57:00.000+02:00

I still believe
in a place where
they keep hope alive,
where a thousand points of
peace in our time shine atop
a city on a hill. It’s morning.
In America.
Like a rock.

place: holder

2008-07-27T15:47:00.000+02:00

if at verse you do not succeed
try again--but only once
or else the moment will be lost.

the poet creates a placeholder,
some lines to test his template
be sure to stop by here again
for more instant contemplation